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Find The Sun

by Deradoorian

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1.
Red Den 04:42
WAY FARAWAY SOMEWHERE 100 CENTURIES GONE RED DEN, OLD MEN SMOKE LIKE FOG WAY FARAWAY FROM ME FELT EERILY CLOSE SIDE EYED, GHOST LIFE LIVED BEFORE INCENSED VORTEX VACUUM PULLED FROM THE UNDERGROUND IN ROMA TO THE TEMPLES IN CHINA IN THE CHURCHES OF ARMENIA PRAYING ASHRAM INDIA SIPPING PALE SOUP IN RUSSIA STACKING HAYBAILS IN GEORGIA KNEELING IN JAPANESE FORESTS SILENT WORSHIP GERMANIA NOTHING CAN EXPLAIN THESE VISIONS I SEE FROM NOWHERE SOMEWHERE FROM ABOVE FROM ABOVE FROM ABOVE WAY FAR AWAY SOMEWHERE SAW A HOME SAW A MAN NEVER SEEN BEFORE TEMPLE LIGHT SINGING BOWL BATHED IN ORANGE ADORNING THE EARTH IN A WINDOW SILL
2.
I'M TAKIN MY TIME TO BE ALONE FOCUS THE MIND ON DOING ALL MY OWN LET THE WORRY RING FEEL THE MIND FLOODING WITH THE THOUGHTS OF NOT KNOWING WHATS COMING ACT JUDICIOUSLY FINDING NEW FEET CYCLING LIES PATTERN UNKNOWN SAFE IN DENIAL CRASHING TO THE FLOOR LET THE WORRY RING FEEL THE MIND FLOODING WITH THE THOUGHTS OF NOT KNOWING WHAT'S COMING ACT JUDICIOUSLY TO SAVE DEFEAT MANY TIMES I CRIED MANY TIMES OF WOE GRASPING FOR THE HIGH SLEEPING IN THE LOW SEARCHING FOR THE LIGHT LIGHT THAT NEVER SHOWED BETTER NOW SECOND ROUND TRANSMUTING ATMOSPHERES SEARCHING FOR PARADISE I TOOK MY TIME LYING ON THE SAND HADN'T FELT A SUNTAN ON MY LEGS SINCE THE SUMMER I FLED THE HOME LAND HEADING FOR CORSICAN SHORES DREAMING OF THE PAST TIMES IN A LIFE I'D NEVER LIVED BEFORE WHY SO SCARED TO DIVE? IT'S NOT LIKE IT WAS THE FIRST TIME SEEMS TO GET HARDER THE LONGER WE STAY ALIVE CAN YOU REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE YOUNGER YEARNING TO FEEL JUST ANYTHING? MANY TIMES I CRIED MANY TIMES OF WOE GRASPING FOR THE HIGH SLEEPING IN THE LOW SEARCHING FOR THE LIGHT LIGHT THAT NEVER SHOWED SAW IT PEAKING THROUGH THUNDERCLOUDS ABOVE STARTED GIVING UP HELD ON TO THE LOVE BROKE OUT OF THE SHELL UNIVERSAL LOVE COULDN'T TRY TO BECOME SOMEBODY WANTED BAD JUST TO BE SOMEBODY DIDN'T SEE THAT I WAS SOMEBODY NOW I KNOW THAT I AM BETTER NOW SECOND ROUND TRANSMUTING ATMOSPHERES BETTER NOW LETTING GROUND CRUMBLE UNDER AROUND BETTER NOW FALLING IN LOVE WITH THE UNIVERSE LIVING IN PARADISE
3.
INNOCENCE IN MY DEATH GOD, IT FELT SO REAL IN MY HEAD PURIFY THE SHADOW OF THE SOUL INNOCENCE IN MY HEAD INNOCENCE IN MY DEATH GOD, IT FELT SO REAL IN MY HEAD PURIFY THE SHADOW OF THE SOUL I DIE GIVE ME INFINITE SKIES ABOVE I DIE
4.
Monk's Robes 04:46
I DO WANNA WANNA WAKE UP I DO WONDER WHAT THERE'S TO COME MY HANDS SLIDE IN PRAYER TO THE SUN THE PATH OF THE CHOSEN ONE CAN YOU HELP ME TO HELP WAKE UP? CAN YOU TAKE ME TO MEET THE GOD? MY EARTHLY LIFE DROWNS IN THE IGNORANCE OF DISILLUSIONMENT STANDING IN THE ROUNDS IN MY MONK'S ROBES LOOKING TO THE UNKNOWN SKY WALKING IN A LINE ATOP THE MOUNTAIN FLOATING IN THE VOID OF YOU AND I I WANNA WAIT ALONE IN THE ROOM KNEEL DOWN BOWING MY HEAD TO YOU THE LIGHT SHINES DUSTY ON THE WALL RELEASE TO THE HIGHER CALL IN THE SILENT ROOM I PLEDGE TO YOU BUT DO I REALLY KNOW WHAT I'M GETTING IN TO? IT'S ALL IN MY MIND THIS I KNOW BUT I CAN'T SEEM TO LET IT GO STANDING IN THE ROUNDS IN MY MONK'S ROBES LOOKING TO THE UNKNOWN SKY WALKING IN A LINE ATOP THE MOUNTAIN FLOATING IN THE VOID OF YOU AND I LA LA LA LA CHILD OF EARTH BOTH MORTAL AND BLIND WHAT DO YOU SEEKETH HERE? THERE'S NOTHING HERE FOR YOU UNLESS YOU PROMISE TO ALWAYS STAY TRUE A PROMISE MADE IS A PROMISE KEPT OR ELSE YOU SUFFER A LONESOME DEATH ROPE TIED AROUND YOUR WAIST YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHY IT WAS PLACED HERE BOUND TO THE ILLUSION OF THE PHYSICAL PLANE WHAT IS IT YOU TRULY WISH TO GAIN? FOR AREN'T YOU TRYING TO GAIN SOMETHING NOT? YET FREE YOURSELF FROM THE TETHERING THOUGHT? THE PRISON MIND CONTINUES TO SWELL FROM ALL YOUR DESIRE TO ESCAPE FROM THIS HELL
5.
THE POWER OF INTENSITY THE POWER OF RADIANCE THE POWER OF DELIGHT! THE POWER THAT GIVES PLEASURE THE POWER OF DESIRE THE POWER OF SPEED THE POWER OF ILLUMINATION THE POWER OF BEING THE POWER THAT DESTROYS RESISTANCE I OFFER THE EARTH ELEMENT AS FRAGRANT PASTE I OFFER ETHER AS FLOWERS AND GARLANDS I OFFER THE AIR ELEMENT AS INCENSE
6.
Waterlily 02:05
WATERLILY COME OUT OF YOUR TOMB I WANT TO SEE YOU OPEN UP YOUR FACE I GO ALL MY DAYS GO ALL MY DAYS GO ALL MY ALL MY DAYS I'M LOOKING FOR YOU
7.
It Was Me 04:25
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO KNOW ABOUT MEDITATION? WHAT DO YOU WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THE BRAIN? I ONLY WENT LOOKING FOR THESE THINGS WHEN I KNEW I WAS GOING INSANE I THOUGHT MY MIND WOULD GROW CALMER LIKE A POND IN THE MORNING RISE BUT AS THE YEARS WENT LONGER THE WISDOM WAS BUT A DISGUISE IT WAS ME A MASKED VERSION OF LOVE A HEART BEHIND A STONE ATTEMPTS AT INTERTWINING WERE AT BEST A DISTANT TONE LONG BEFORE I COULD TELL A FOOTLESS ONE I BECAME TRAVERSING THE WORLD FAR AND WIDE THE GROUND I COULD NOT NAME IT WAS ME A TOUCH OF THE TOE ON THE EARTH BELOW WOULD STING LIKE THE HOTTEST OF COALS WHAT GOOD WAS IT TO FEEL A BODY WHEN I COULD REST INSIDE MY SOUL WHAT GOOD IS A SOUL WITHOUT A BODY? WHAT GOOD IS GOD WITHOUT YOUR MIND? YOU CAN'T BELIEVE IN NOTHING IF YOU CAN'T FEEL WHAT'S INSIDE IT WAS ME SENSATION O SENSATION A MYSTICAL CONVERSATION WHAT TOLD ME I KNEW THE ANSWER? WHEN I WAS SO FAR FROM CREATION? TETHERED TO THE CONTEMPLATION OF A THOUGHT GALAXIES AWAY THERE WAS NOTHING OUT THERE THERE WAS NOTHING IN HERE AND NOTHING IS HERE TO STAY THAT WAS ME ALL I KNOW IS A FEELING IT MAKES ME FEEL GOOD OR BAD I DON'T KNOW WHAT THOSE WORDS MEAN AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM BUT NO LONGER I LOOK FOR THE ANSWER FROM WHENCE I DID BEFORE LIKE A GUST OF WIND ON A HOT SUMMER'S DAY I BECOME THE DUST ONCE MORE
8.
I WANDER THROUGH THE DEVIL'S MARKET ROBED IN BLACK WITH A RAVEN'S WING FEEL THE SPARK OF A FIRE STARTING SMELL THE FLESH OF DESIRE SCREAM PEERING THROUGH MY BLOOD RED GLASSES WISHING FOR A ROSY SCENE POISONED FRUIT DISGUISED AS PRECIOUS TAKE THE BITE NO LONGER SEEK I WALK INSIDE THE DEVIL'S MARKET FEEL THE HANDS OF MY LOVERS SEIZE SEE THE PATH BUT I DIDN'T MARK IT TAKE A SIP FROM THE WELL DISEASED SMOKE THE CENSER TO MAKE IT SACRED TAKE A REST BY A FOUNTAIN'S STREAM CONSECRATE AND PURIFY IT DON'T BELIEVE NOW JUST WHAT I SEE SAY NO SAY NO SAY NO SAY NO I HOVER THROUGH THE DEVIL'S MARKET SEE THE GOLD AND THE RICHES GLEAM FANTASIZE WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE WEARING DIAMONDS AND CROWNS OF KINGS TAKE A HAND TO GRAB A MIRROR SEE THE HORROR REFLECTING ME FEEL THE FANGS OF A SERPENT'S TORTURE BITE MY ANKLE LET ME BLEED SAY NO SAY NO SAY NO SAY NO
9.
IN MY MEMORY I SEE YOUR FACE APPEAR LIKE A MASK BEHIND A WATERFALL TIME LOST IN A CLOUDY SPHERE IN MY MEMORY I SEE YOU DISAPPEAR GONE WATCHING LEAVES FALLING GREEN AND BROWN STARING FURTHER THAN BENEATH THE GROUND PEACE PLEASE FROM THESE DREAMS DREAM AGAIN WILL THIS DREAM GO ON AND ON? 'TIL THE END? IN THE WATERFALL SEE YOUR FACE DISSOLVE INTO ME I KNOW IT HAPPENED BUT WHY DOES IT FEEL LIKE IT NEVER DID? SO MANY YEARS SPENT JUST TO DREAM AGAIN? I'M IN THE DREAM AGAIN I'M IN THE DREAM AGAIN I'M IN THIS DREAM AGAIN
10.
Sun 07:55
WHEN I FOUND YOU YOU WERE ALL ALONE IN THE ETHER BEFORE FORM DID COME VIMOKSHA I DIE IN A WORLD VIMOKSHA I LIE IN MY WORLD FREEDOM FROM WHAT NO ONE TOLD YOU HOW TO BE YOUR KING UNSEEN KOSHA SUN INSIDE THE CAGE VIMOKSHA I DIE IN A WORLD VIMOKSHA I LIE IN MY WORLD VIMOKSHA THE GOD IS THIS WORLD VIMOKSHA THE LAW TEMPORARY DISILLUSIONMENT EXILE BODY NERVOUS CELLULAR DRINKING POISON POPPY SMOKING GUN PRISONER, THE WORK IS NEVER DONE ITS GONNA MESS WITH YOUR MIND IF YOU LOST IT ALL HOW'D YOU REALLY FEEL IF YOU LOST IT ALL WHAT IS REALLY REAL IT'S GONNA MESS WITH YOUR MIND THE LAW FIND THE SUN SUNLIGHT

about

“a gloomy and intoxicating song that features her soaring vocals on top of a chugging riff that keeps building over the track’s 7-minute length.” – Stereogum on “Saturnine Night”

“Primeval … The track is propulsive and confrontational in a way indie rock rarely is, reminiscent of Natasha Khan’s Sexwitch side project in its psychedelic, multicultural influences and hypnotic chanting.” – Paste on “Saturnine Night”

“Deradoorian sings with a hymnal affect over light acoustic strums and regal piano arpeggios, her vocals eventually layering into a majestic choir that evokes the spiritual energy of the song’s lyrics.” - Consequence of Sound on “Monk’s Robes”

_______________________

Find the Sun is not the record Angel Deradoorian sat down to make. It’s a waypoint on a spiritual journey of acceptance, the result of years of lifting veils that obscured her innermost self, and coming to the realization that in order to find peace, she might need to cede a bit of control. The result is something that could only be found by the physical act of its construction.

After years of making records alone, Deradoorian spent the last few years in New York City doing improvised collaborations with other musicians, connecting with people and creating a desire to carry that energy to the recording of her next album. That record, Find the Sun, is a snapshot of her mental and spiritual state at the time, the result of loosely guided jams with a band of like-minded souls with the intention of making something raw and vulnerable, with little rehearsal.

The songs started as sketches, later molded into stronger concepts during a summer spent on the beach in the Rockaways, lying in the sand and absorbing the sun’s rays, playing meditation bowls, writing lyrics and talking about music with her friend and percussionist Samer Ghadry. Along with Ghadry’s frequent collaborator Dave Harrington, they would take those songs across the country to Marin County, California’s Panoramic House, an analog studio with a live room with wall-sized windows that gaze out upon the Pacific ocean from atop Mt. Tamalpais. The room’s energy and spaciousness serves as the band’s fourth member, its ancient beams and cavernous ceilings coloring the drum tracks with an innate sense of space.

Several songs on the record—like opener “Red Den”—eschew gauzy vocal effects for a raw and vulnerable glimpse of a voice renowned for its ethereal beauty and perfect pitch. Through astrological metaphors and brief glimpses of imagery, she weaves a tale of a person aware of past lives but struggling to put them together, using a sparse yet intentional exchange of crunchy guitar and loose drum fills to furnish the room.

Inspired by the freedom of Can and the singing style of Damo Suzuki, as well as the influence of Indian spirituality on free jazz masters like Pharoah Sanders and Sun Ra, Deradoorian gravitates to transportive, shamanic sounds on Find the Sun, wielding bells, flutes, and gongs in service of a rock record guided by the spirits. Most of the songs were written with the drum parts first, using drone elements to ground the compositions and allow her the security to be able to take bigger risks.

Sequenced with a double vinyl disc package in mind (its only available physical format), the record is broken up into quadrants, helping guide the listener through its various twists and turns. The connecting thread is the theme of internal exploration, reaching for the best version of yourself.

“Overall, a lot of these songs are about trying to reach yourself - how to be your most
brilliant self,” Deradoorian says. “...because we come from a culture that doesn't actually support this. We are so deeply programmed to obey societal boundaries that we don't even know the power we contain within.”

“Monk’s Robes” contains one such narrative, following a monk who journeys to a mountain top in hopes of being one with God. When he arrives, his God turns his worldview on its head, exposing his ignorance as he questions his understanding of the world and his desires to be free. It’s a song about accepting the futility of attempting to escape your reality, finding peace in acceptance and working with what you have to make something beautiful. “I’ve heard so many people say ‘I want to escape to the mountain and live alone because life is so fucking painful sometimes,’” she says. “And that's not really the way to do it either. You need to be isolated, you need to learn about yourself, but you can't really stay there. You also need to integrate. You need to do both.”

But connecting with humanity means surviving its temptations. “Devil's Market” imagines the world as a seductive bazaar designed to make you stray from your path. It’s a message promoting the healing power of discipline, forgiving regressions but constantly searching for a way to return to your path. Deradoorian’s own journey was dramatically guided by a 10-day Vipassana meditation retreat that helped her reground after a prolonged period of trauma, and led to an album that serves as a massive deconstruction of her own psyche—her own reality. Working through her anxieties, depressions, and fears, she reconstructs her sense of self through a gentle way of reevaluating what she believes in. These themes loom large on Find the Sun, and are rooted in the practices from that Vipassana retreat; the relationship between the mind and body, and being able to expand the scope of how we think or listen based on our body’s state in any given moment.

In that sense, Find the Sun is a record intended to be felt as much as it is heard. “I think it would be cool if people lay on the floor to listen to it, and let it go through their bodies,” she says. “Being in that kind of space of awareness making it, I hope it evokes a physical reaction for people...that has so much to do with frequencies, vibrational relationships in sound.” As a Vedic astrologer, this is a focus of her readings, the way our brains and bodies work in concert, and how that is completely spiritual. We are nothing without our bodies.

If Find the Sun is a record of only part of Deradoorian’s spiritual journey, it is one with no discernable end. It’s an expression of the non-linear nature of time, that there is no current version of one’s Self. The capture of that moment is why the record is so raw: Whatever is in front of you is what you’re working with now, and that’s OK. Even as a listener, being in the moment physically with the music brings you back to that place where mind and body coalesce. In that sense, it’s ripe for projection of oneself onto the sounds and words, to reflect one’s physical Self with something as ethereal as the sound waves in music. “Find the Sun is a record to sit and listen to, and ask yourself about your Self,” she says.

credits

released September 18, 2020

Produced by Angel Deradoorian with Sonny DiPerri
Engineering and Mixing by Sonny DiPerri
Mastering by Adam Gonsalves at Telegraph Audio
Recorded at Panoramic House in Stinson Beach, CA
Photography by Sean Stout
Design by Angel Deradoorian, Sean Stout
_____________

Players:
Angel Deradoorian: singing, flutes, guitars, bass 1/4/7/9, synthesizers
Samer Ghadry: drums, timpanis, percussion
Dave Harrington: bass 2/3/5/8/10, electronics, congas, percussion

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Deradoorian New York, New York

Find the Sun is not the record Angel Deradoorian sat down to make. It’s a waypoint on a spiritual journey of acceptance, the result of years of lifting veils that obscured her innermost self, and coming to the realization that in order to find peace, she might need to cede a bit of control. The result is something that could only be found by the physical act of its construction. ... more

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